Balance and Shame

As I sit here and tilt myself into this uncomfortable position I am thinking what if they see. What if she sees what I am reading. What if she sees what I am reading and reads my thoughts. It is funny that it took this moment for me to wake up to my shame. What I am reading is factual and in fact what I am reading is me, it is my people, it is my skin, it is me. So I ask myself this, how long have you been shamed into shaming yourself. Shaming yourself over your entire existence. Shaming yourself for what is not shameful and what shouldn’t be shameful. How many times have you bent your entire being, your entire soul to accommodate another’s view. Suddenly I realise that I was about to do the simplest act of liberating myself. I open the book to the page where my favourite raw poem on racism sits. I open it wide, this time letting go of the what if, and hoping the girl sitting next to me looks over and sees what I’m reading. This time I refuse to be crippled by fear, to fold myself into a space I was meant to fit whole.

I am still learning what to be shamed of and what to bare regardless of what the world thinks. I hope one day I can be unashamedly shamed and stay myself.~balance

Dear loves, be careful that you are not  made not to breath out fully, do not hold your breath in or else you may suffocate yourself. Shame like any other emotion is useful but do not let it drive your being, displace you or even shrink you. You are allowed to think and even have your own opinion(imagine that), you are allowed to stand firm in your truth. You’re allowed to evaluate shame on your own terms.

Happy full breath taking,

Inhala…..Exhala.

Love,

M. I

Relearning the Power of Soft 🌱

I’ve forgotten the power of soft.

The power of malleable material

The power of the heart,a heart not set in stone. See the sermon from the world is calling for the strong, the unmoved, unbothered and so I have walked out of my skin, left it behind and walked naked to the battlefield. Lies I have told myself over and over, this is it , this is you,well done I’ve said ,’you’re doing great sweetie’.

And I am, I am winning at being as cold as the Antarctic, hard as a rock, unbothered as a corps. So I ask myself this, I ask you this am I a machete, gun or latest ammunition,who and what am I.

And so at the frontline of this battle I sit defeated, I sit on the ground for all to see. I am not a shamed, ego climbs off my back, youth returns, I breath. For the first time in years tears, that’s right tears ,it’s tears I remember because for a while now I have ignored this well of water.

As water flows down my Sahara like drab of a body, skin, skin unfolds, it’s spring and growth has begun in me. Slowly I search and growth, growth so glorious. Soon my dry bones are a nourished body, melanin flowing like sweet honey. Heart filled with Love, a sprinkle of regrets & failure and a Power so strong unlike the strength I’ve been told to believe in.

Now that I am rooted here at this battle,grounded,growth unstoppable I will tower over all, I will fight like I can conquer. Now that I remember my heart , my soft heart led me here I do not will to undress myself of this glory, of this softness,of my true self.

“You do not have to be a fire for every mountain blocking you

You could be water and soft river your way to freedom”~Nayyirah Waheed

“Flower work is not easy, remaining soft in fire takes time”~ Nayyirah Waheed

For today I’m wishing you life , true living within your skin flaws and accessibility for life and growth stop with a closed heart and hands. Do not be afraid,of the change and challenges they only come to irrigate your growth. Last but not least Loves, fear is often the end of life and Love only the beginning!

May you stay in bloom, from a soft heart to yours🌱🌱🌱

Love,

M.I

Purpose

Purpose; 1

The reason for which something is done or created or for which something exists.

‘the purpose of the meeting is to appoint a trustee’

‘the building is no longer needed for its original purpose’

Mind reaches out as if it were coming alive , forming into a being I am familiar with but refuse to unleash. Left leg first,a long left arm with twiddling fingers next the head is struggling and so is the right side of this body. Not frantically , rather as if it were begging to be set free. Like a gentle child it is asking to be birthed. It has outgrown home, the incubator is not sufficient anymore. It requires to be cut from the cord to be unleashed into the world. I know it is time but I’m grown what does this being know? Protection and comfort hold on, fear and reason are alive and well.

The struggle is constant but the more this child,this being reaches for the outside I realise it is not mine to keep. The only way to do so is to let it die. So I refuse and I take my place outside of myself I stretch my arms out as if waiting to catch a new born.

The head follows the left side of the body and then the right side. Slow ,deliberate and knowingly it reaches out. Purpose falls into my bare hands. Hello friend I say, knowing it dictates what I do from now on like a Parent dies to selfish needs and yields to that of their child. I know my life is never going to be the same. I will always have what to feed purpose because I am ‘Served in Serving Others ‘

There is no way back , every molecule in me says. Like every first time Parent I am walking with my Purpose figuring out where this Child takes me. And like every child is a gift from God so is this Purpose.

“For unto whomsoever much is given , of him shall be much required,” Luke 12:48

N.b. I’ve been trying to figure out how to start living my purpose without fear, knowing I’ll make mistakes raising this child,but knowing it is required of me to fail, learn and keep walking in the very same purpose. Knowing that I have to start now because it is a life time journey that I am blessed to be privy to. Less words more actions I tell myself.

In writing this I am not only confessing to self but trying to let you know Purpose is a precious burden. I am scared and maybe you are too but here’s the saving Grace We can start where we are!!

Happy naturing young Purpose and birthing it into the world Loves. You are strong and have the ability. Give way to trust, learning ,unlearning and relearning . Growth comes even while you stand in your purpose.

Love,

M.I

New Beginnings

It is only appropriate we talk about new beginnings since it is the first week of our 2018. Yes ‘our 2018’ claim it, it is yours given freely and beautifully. Although I am not for this new year new me movement, I am definitely for the new me. The improvement of self without the need of the fireworks excitement,although it is beautiful. Most of last year I committed to saying yes more often, self care, really looking at the cause of my actions and most importantly Gratitude the big ‘G’. If I were to speak of change it would be this, the Gratitude!! This year I have not started with huge goals but my first is to live and let live. Live in the moment fully with grace and every God given potential I have in me. Secondly, love deeply . I mean every single person in my life I cherish , love them the best I can because I have met LOVE myself, ‘GOD is LOVE ‘ so who am I not to give what I have been given so freely and in abundance. On that note what are you looking forward to today, tomorrow and the upcoming future. What will carry you through and what will you be putting out this year?! Happy 2018 Loves, from Me to You with a huge smile and excitement for what we are all yet to become. Love M. I

Words

Your words will either awaken warriors or be the destroyer of worlds. Choose which wolf you will feed because it will eventually consume you. Your own words will consume you whole.

Speak carefully.

Love,

M.I

power

We have heard of worlds,times whose power we can not measure up to. Yet every storm is started with a single cloud,first drop of rain and roar of thunder. Such is change and such is war. Do not be frightened by the multitudes. You have thunder within you and such is the power of one.

Love,
M.I

Meaning

I don’t know the meaning of it all but I know like a script each page reveals the trinity; past present and future. The vision gets clearer if you don’t give up.

Love,
M.I

Honesty

I decided to start a blog to indulge myself and those that would partake. I also promised myself I would not force a single word out of myself but I would let the process be so. To that effect sometimes my writing style will change, grow and morph but I can only pray you keep journeying with me.

I am back,

Love

M.I

Feeble Beauty

If you are not careful,clear and often courageous. You will not behold beauty only what men have convinced themselves that it is. A sickly,ever changing, delicate and ailing perception. The sort that is ever changing. Season in,season out,generation and generation out. Vague,uninformed  and unspirited.

Train not your eyes only,its simply one of five or even more senses. Is it not foolish the to dissern with little than a fifth of those. Then forget the rest that is you.

So,next time you think of pronouncing anything beautiful, think longer,stare longer(a beg do not scare a human),listen longer,feel longer,taste longer(food is beautiful too). Just stay longer and in time you might find the concept of beauty is more complicated. Not as feeble and fleeting,but wise,with depth.

Maybe just maybe beauty is beautiful too!

“The best part of beauty is that no picture can express….”~ someone(Google)

Happy beauty finding loves,even within yourself💌

Quick Sand

Strip me of it all.

All I bring with me.
Take it all,I plead.
Take what is holding this heart captive
Rendering it Stone cold.
Take the words,so many
Too many I dare not speak.
The flames,burning,scolding every inch.
What will I be left with?

The numbness,my back aches.
Dragging my feet in a hurry going everywhere and nowhere.
Let me stay,wash it all.
Emmerse me fully.
Warm sun,salty waters.
Just for a minute.
I am free of it all.
Just for a minute I have a grip in quick sand.Just as the creator meant.

“Iby’ejo bibara ab’ejo”~Rwandese saying.       (Tomorrow is for those tomorrow)

Happy living in this moment,yes this very one you stand in🌻